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SAM ENG

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i'll be gone til november, i'll be gone til november.... [30 Dec 2007|12:45am]
i cant believe Fall Semester is over. feels like it went by so quickly. i hardly remember any of it. but i do remember having lots and lots of fun, and lots and lots of nights that consisted of sitting on a couch or bed watching movies and smoking. i love school. home just seems so boring. and i miss deva and will.

Me Deva Amy Liz and a couple other girls are lookin for a house. hopefully something works out soon, because i dont want to be left homeless. If we do get a house, i feel like my summer will be ten times better than this summer was. Living at New Brunswick will definitely make summer much more fun. but i also will need a job. that's crucial.

Break is going alright. Went to Cape Cod, i have some mixed emotions about that trip. New Year's Eve in jersey city should be fun...hopefully, that works out. Dinner with the Brad and his family doesnt seem too appealing to me. especially since I have been ignoring his calls ALL semester. and it's pretty much a "one or the other" type deal. Dinner would end too late for me to get to JC at a reasonable time =/ ....getting out of that will definitely prove to be a challenge. But i've been good, spending time with my parents and all. hopefully, they won't freak out too much.

I got Will a pretty nice gift and some chocolate for christmas. I can't wait to give it to him, and i really hope he likes it. I love giving gifts. I got Deva some nice gifts too for christmas AS WELL AS her birthday. i feel bad going to jersey city at night instead of spending it with her, but i really wanna spend new year's eve with Will. i miss him.

hmm... i dont really understand why i write in here anymore. i guess i just get bored and its something to do.

gone til november. i love this song.
To Make Life Important

i love this time of year. [26 Nov 2007|01:57am]
No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town
and look around at all the beautiful houses
something in the way that blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day
To Make Life Important

i love life [06 Oct 2007|01:54pm]
been in school for about a month. i'm so happy. my classes overall arent too bad. western religions kinda sucks, and its at 9:50. its my earliest class so its hard to make it on time.

i hangout with Deva almost every second of my life. and if im not with deva, i'm with will. then again, a lot of times im with will, im with Deva too. We also hangout with Max almost everyday. As far as making new friends in Campbell... no. no friends here. but its alright, we dont spend much time here anyway.

I've been to two concerts. George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic, and GHOSTFACE KILLAH last night. and the total cost of both concerts put together has been 2$. life is pretty sweet. Ghostface was amazing. one of the best concerts ive been to. so intimate and personal. i love ghostface. Jake and Will got to spit a verse onstage, and Deva/natasha/kristina/lauryn/josie all got to dance onstage. i didnt make it to the stage in time =(, but it was cool seeing all my friends up there.

Me and Will tripped together on tuesday, that was an awesome fucking night. Probably the most actual FUN i've had on a trip. It was truly amazing. Though i have to say, everytime i trip its such a different experience. This trip didnt have that crazy emotional shit, and that self-discovery type deal. Which in a way was good, but i also kind of looking forward to it. nonetheless, i had a lot of fun, and just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. also, i love him. a lot. and love's a great thing.
To Make Life Important

so soon [29 Aug 2007|04:20pm]
school is so soon. i can hardly contain my excitement.

So on Sunday i went to New Brunswick, to see Will, but we just ended up back in manalapan. Chillin on the playground at night is just so much fun. Will sleptover my house. Then we went back to new brunswick and tried to put together the bunkbed which is still not finished, and its wednesday. I went to work and then went back to new brunswick. Jake had this really great rum from panama that is so smooth. It hardly needs a chase at all. We tried to stay up for the eclipse, but that didnt work out at all. Tuesday i finally got to see Marc's house, which is ten times nicer than Will's house. I also finally got to seem him play which was amazing. Then i went to take a nap, and was interrupted by Jake and then Max. So i went to Max's and went to look at the new house they wanna get which looks amazing. and has an awesome location. then we ate and i passed out in Max's bed while watching the 9/11 conspiracy theory movie.

Last night was crazy. It started with a handle of vodka. and ended with lots of throw up. Thankfully not mine. This morning we woke up and went to IHOP, best idea ever.

Now i have to get all my shit together and hopefully clean other shit out. im very stressed.

Football game tomorrow, work friday (?), and ankit's party friday. finish packing and shit saturday. Move in Sunday.
To Make Life Important

let the drummer kick.... [24 Aug 2007|07:44pm]
i worked all week. craziness. ive been so tired. but i still cant sleep at night. it suucckks.

i saw Will last weekend, that was nice. i was going to see him today, but i went to the beach with Victoria all day. It was a great beach day, a strong sun, yet a nice breeze to make it enjoyable. a very relaxing day.

School starts in roughly a week. i couldnt be more excited. The days are going by so slowly, but fast at the same time. I can't wait to be back.

i really miss Will. hopefully im gonna see him Tuesday-thursday next week. but who knows.

I'm obsessed with this song.
To Make Life Important

bored [12 Aug 2007|12:34pm]
spent the weekend with Will. we are the laziest people in the world. we really didnt do anything.

i came home and passed out. i just couldnt stay awake.

sara bergman is leaving for school. i am not going to see that weird little motherfucker for so long =( im soooo sad. i've been hanging out with her the most all summer, i'm really gonna miss her. this is just like last summer, only now, we all know what we are going back to. So it's more excitement, and less nervousness.

i wish i could move into school this early.
To Make Life Important

[07 Aug 2007|08:46pm]
martha's vineyard = best time of my life. i wish it never ended. but it did...

things are funny. as soon as one thing finally starts to get good, another thing starts to be not so good. I sort of patched things up with my parents. We still don't agree on the things we wish we did, but there is no longer that sort of hate that lingered in our house. It's just all around better. It had all just blown up, and i just realized it didnt have to be like it was. so i manned up and did what i had to do. swallowed my pride and apologized for my wrongdoings. they appreciated it. it's making my whole life a lot easier without them being pissed at me.

Will. idk. i'm being very cynical. things are just always better when we are actually together. and when we arent, i just dont feel like he is there at all, or even wants to make an effort to be. why should i try and care so much if he doesnt. so maybe i should just stop. or maybe im over reacting. quite possible as well. fuck distance.

my hopes are that school starting will make everything in my life better. and i feel like that is a very realistic possibility.

on another note. i miss Deva terribly.
To Make Life Important

these arms of mine, they are lonely, lonely and feeling blue. [22 Jul 2007|10:03pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

i suppose everyone is bound to disappoint at one time or another. but it's alright. no big deal. love him as much as before.

a nice relaxing weekend after a long week of work. i love going to jersey city. we can just be lazy together.

i'm in a pretty shitty mood i guess. i wish i wasn't, but i can't shake this shit off.

To Make Life Important

brighten my northern sky... [20 Jul 2007|01:23pm]
its been quite a week. working a whole lot. i need the money though. worked out ish last night, i'm really sore. it's pretty nice.

Will is pickin me up from work and we are goin to chill in New Brunswick, and then i think i'm going with Max to see Harry Potter in Imax tomorrow. hopefully that works out.

on a less fun note... family counseling? yeaahh.....about that. i dont reccommend it. Bunch of bullshit.

working next week til wednesday, and then off to Martha's Vineyard! i couldnt be more excited <3
To Make Life Important

anniversary wooohooo [15 Jul 2007|02:35am]


i made this awesome mix. dont hate. k peace.
To Make Life Important

a fish was made to swim in the ocean [07 Jul 2007|11:49pm]
i had the best birthday ever. the only thing i would have changed would have been, not waking up at 5:30am and not being able to go back to sleep. Because of that (and the fact that i was celebrating from 12:30pm on) i passed the fuck out around 1am. But it was still the most amazing birthday i've had yet. I had so much fun, and i got to spend it with awesome people, and my amazing boyfriend.

Thursday i went back to jersey city with Will, Timmins, and Rhys. Ate at Brownstone, this crazy Diner with crazy breakfast food and crazy portions. It's so good, and then... you feel like dying because youre so full. It's so worth it.

Friday Will came back to manalapan with me. Papa, deb, and allie came over later. Today we went to the beach. it was hot as balls.

i've never been so happy in my fucking life. i'm so fucking in love.
To Make Life Important

[04 Jul 2007|02:27am]
[ mood | restless ]

so its my birthday. technically. i cant fall asleep because im looking forward to tomorrow so much. It's like Christmas eve. only, my birthday eve. the feelings the same. only, i'm almost positive i'm definitely not getting a birthday present this year.

it seems as though things with my parents will never get better. I guess i'm just as stubborn as they are, and with none of us willing to compromise, we are constantly going to be at war. it hurts. it really does. i know that they love me, but i cant feel it. and i miss being able to feel it. i know i love them deep down, but i cant feel it. and i miss being able to feel that too.

i wish i could fall asleep. not being able to fall asleep is definitely one of the worst feelings. the restlessness. its horrible. the tossing and turning. ugh.

i've listened to my sleep playlist about 3 times now. and im sick of the songs.

i cant wait to wake up happy. i know i'm going to wake up happy because it's my birthday. and i'm going to be with my friends and Will. and that's really all i need to be happy.

To Make Life Important

[01 Jul 2007|10:48pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

my birthday is in three days. i guess i would be happier if my parents didnt hate me. Eh, i dont really mind that they aren't too fond of me, but i really wish they didnt take my car keys. honestly, who still gets punished nowadays? umm... me. They are ridiculous. I am so frustrated, and there is nothing i can do. I wish they werent out of their fucking minds. I hate the way they are. i hate it. They are the only thing in my life that's bad. Honestly, i can't think of one other thing that can make me cry like this. Every other aspect of my life is amazing, i havent been this happy...ever. And they have to go and fucking ruin it with their bullshit excuse for parenting.

I don't really feel like writing about them anymore. I had an awesome weekend. Went to New Brunswick, Jersey City, New Brunswick, Jersey City, and then Red Bank. It was all great. every little bit of it. I just have so much fun every weekend. Being away from home, being with Will. Nothing can top my weekends. I cant wait for Martha's Vineyard. It's gonna be amazing. i'm so excited. 6 days away from home, 6 days on the beach, 6 days with Will and his awesome family. something to definitely look forward to.

i doubt im getting a birthday gift from my parents. but spending it away from my house will be enough.

To Make Life Important

i like cars, more than telephones [17 Jun 2007|03:55pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

for the first time in a while i've been home for the weekend. But really by that i mean, not in jersey city. Because the past three nights i've been spending the night in new brunswick. but nevertheless, during the day, it was kind of nice being home with all the comforts that come with it. I think it was good that i stayed here, i havent spent a weekend with my friends in a while. I feel as though i might be neglecting them, but it's hard to balance it all. Home friends, Rutgers friends, boyfriend. it's all really fun actually. I've never had so much to do.

i got to see Will Thursday night in new brunswick with Jake, Timmins, and Rhys, that was fun. Then Friday i brought my friends to Brunswick for Max's party. It was cool, saw pretty much all of Tinsley between Max's house and helena's house. Then Saturday i went BACK AGAIN with Max to see Deva who passed the FUCK out for a good two hours while me and max played guitar hero. It was so funny, she was flat out unconscious. Even though that drunken bitch just slept, it was comforting jsut having her there with me and Max. i miss Tinsley.

So as nice as my weekend not in jersey city was, i think next weekend im goin back. i'm not sure though. Maybe New Brunswick. i dunno. i miss him.

To Make Life Important

[11 Jun 2007|08:52am]
i'm still at will's. he left for work, i'm going to the train station around 1:30. i miss him already =( and im dreading going home. apparently, my mom "cleaned out" my car and found some of my things... and im in trouble, again. honestly, i'm 18 years old, and i still get punished. i find it ridiculous. threats of making me commute are kinda scaring me, i hope they dont take their anger that far. that just wouldnt be rational in the least.

as much as i hate that Will lives kinda far, i kinda like it. Everytime i come here, it's like a mini vacation. I just get to be away from home, and be with him. and his parents are ten times cooler.

i really dont want to go home =( at all. and i wish i had my cell phone. but i really really dont want to go home. There are only bad things waiting for me, like work and my parents. And it sucks knowing i'm going back to that. I keep looking at the time, hoping it will stop, but it wont.

anyway, i had a great time while i was here. we went on a nice little double date with jake and natasha to see knocked up, STILL as fucking funny as the first two times i saw it. Hungout with Rhys and Timmins and watched Hostel, in preparation to go see Hostel 2. Seeing them both for the first time in one night was a little much. I'm pretty much never going backpacking in Europe ever. I am sufficiently scared enough to scratch that off my list of things to do. Instead of going to the Jazz club for his birthday we just hungout here and watched Weeds on demand and the last episode of The Sopranos. WTF kind of ending was that? we thought something went wrong with the cable.

i kind of feel like crying. i hate going home.
To Make Life Important

chillin with your girl and her crew [03 Jun 2007|03:42pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Will came this weekend =) it was amazing. he makes me so happy. saturday we hung out by victoria's pool and had a nice feast at my house. Being able to chill with him and my friends together was so cool, i loved it. I couldn't have been happier. I drove him to new brunswick and we met up at their house with jake, ankit, timmins, sadie, and Kosta. Their house is a shithole lol. But hopefully the landlord fixes it up like he said he would. I can't wait til everything is settled in, and it isn't even my house lol.

I am starting to dread work less and less. there is a lot less pressure now that we have more help and i love it.

Things just couldnt be better. except that i still havent shown my parents my report card...

To Make Life Important

sew your asshole closed and keep feedin you and feedin you and feedin you... [31 May 2007|01:13pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

home is still home. my parents are still my parents. but i'm getting used to it again. so even though it still sucks the same, it's not as hard. i just gotta know when to give.

been hangin out with my friends everyday, doing the same old NOTHING. Will is supposed to come this weekend, let's see if THAT works out. i have a feeling it wont. whatever. i'm not gonna go and stress over it.

im in a bad mood, but that's expected right now. it's just that time lol. i hate how that happens.

anywho, i saw Babel the other day. I really fucking loved it. if you havent seen it, then you definitely should. If you dont like subtitles, then dont. I personally love subtitles.

well i guess im gonna go chill by victoria's pool.

To Make Life Important

don't you worry, friday's not that far away [23 May 2007|03:47pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

boredomCollapse )

woohooo fun. so i find myself looking forward to friday every week now. it's nice having something to look forward to. makes the week go by slower, yet faster at the same time. went to the beach this morning, and while it seemed extremely chilly and windy at the beach, apparently the sun was still going strong because my arms are burnt =( so deceiving. anywho, i came home and did bitch work around the house. scrubbing the porch and deck is not a fun afternoon. but its ok cause tomorrow is thursday, and then right after that its friday =). i am not, however, excited about work. if i have to do a demo, i am screwed. i am pretty sure i forgot all my sections, and even if i remembered them, i am pretty damn sure they would look like crap. Not working out all year has definitely taken its toll. I'm going to drop some habits and pick up some not neccesarily "new" ones, just some that i had put aside for a while.

well i have no idea how i'm getting Jersey City friday, but i'm sure i'll figure it out. BBQ! AGAIN! WOOOOO

To Make Life Important

at last, the skies above are blue [15 May 2007|04:51pm]
[ mood | loved ]

<3 past two days.

Deva, Will, Ron, Giggles, Timmins, Zeke, Jake, Max, Debbie, Alexa, Brittany, Lauryn, and Kristina were all in manalapan last ngiht lol. It was sick. Such a big group. Split up after dinner, but it was nice being with everyone again. Deva and Will stayed over. It was glamorous. I couldnt have been happier. Instead of going to the beach with the other girls today we just lazed around my house, but it was so nice. Ankit came down today and picked up Will after his interview, and then Deva left, and i was all by my lonesome again =( i miss them so much already. It's kinda funny that my friends away from home are seeming more like home to me. But i guess its because we lived together.

Being away from everyone for a mere 4 days seemed so much longer. I missed Will so much, and seeing him again just made my whole week <3. I'm pretty sure i'm going up to Jersey City this weekend, and there are tentative Six Flags plans. I hope something works out.

so my front license plate got stolen. i couldnt drive all day. so i washed my car instead of driving it. now i'm extremely bored and lonely again.

seriously though, where are all my home friends?

To Make Life Important

i miss rutgers. [12 May 2007|09:05pm]
[ mood | sad ]

home sucks. i miss rutgers. i just want to go back and be with everyone again. i miss everyone. i miss will. i miss waking up and walking down to Deva's room before i even changed or brushed my teeth. i miss walking outside the building knowing i will see someone to chill with. i miss knowing that every night was gonna be great somehow. Freshmen year was the best time of my life. It's never going to be like that again, and i'm sad, but i'm glad it happened. These are the times that i'm going to be telling my kids about. well maybe not all of it.


i wish home didnt suck so much. i wouldnt miss school as much and be this miserable.

1 Died| To Make Life Important

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